“I’m going away, forever”
This is not going to work. Ever. How could this ever work again? You have ruined us. Ruined. Everything in my life gets ruined. Why? What did I do? Love you?
Should I apologize for that?
I am sick over this. My body aches of a fever.
This is the part where I’m supposed to let go but I’m not because I can’t. I really can’t. My life is over. I can’t eat or sleep. Or smile. I told you already, it’s only an act. I try to let the good times happen because there are so few. But I am always dying. I am never okay. I never stop crying or missing or wishing we could be the same. I keep waiting for us to be okay. Like before when we’d just go back to normal, but we aren’t.
Why aren’t we? How did we become so broken? And how ever do we fix it? That is all I want. Forget every dream I have because they’re all worthless if you aren’t here.
One day everyone will be gone and it will just be me, and not us. I can’t do that.
I feel like a sick, old widow with nothing to live for. Waiting to die.
“Fall Down, Never Get Back Up Again” La Dispute
Out where the stones lay like bones by the ocean
Out where the waves crash contempt on the land
Someone was trembling for fear of the tempest
Somebody silently reached for their hand
Said, “Understand that if you’re cold I’ll keep you warm
And besides, there’s so much beauty in a storm
So come down with me to the shore
And what’s more, I adore you
So tell me, what is there to fear
You think some seraph up above is trying to rob us of our love
Because the sky’s not clear?
My dear, you know there’s not
Now listen to the rain upon the rooftop”
But the wind picked up
Out where the stones stand up like thrones beside the ocean
Out where the waves make a grave of the sea
The lovers struggled in the middle of the tempest
And water angrily crawled up onto the beach
Said, “Hold my hand and stay with me
We’ll be released”
But the tide clung like an anchor to her feet
And though he tried to make the water line recede
It pulled her out into the sea
He could not break apart the waves to bring her safely back in
He watched her hand break through the surface once
Then disappear again
“Forever wait inside the sea for me, my dear
I hear you
You speak in every curling wave
And sing in every violent breeze
Someday not far away from here
My dear, I swear I’ll see you
And we will hear the seraphs cry
For they will still envy you and I
How they envied you and I
How they envied you and I
How they envied you and I”
